Should Women's Looks be Ranked on a Scale From One to Ten?

In today’s society, it is considered misogynistic to rank women’s attractiveness based on a scale from 1 to 10. Instead, men are encouraged to value a woman’s mind and personality as opposed to valuing a woman’s body. Since this topic involves numbers and the sexual marketplace, I decided to interview a theoretical mathematics professor that was recently fired for being sexist.

“Dr. Wooton, it’s a pleasure to speak with you again!” said I.

“Anything for my favorite Cockatoo correspondent!” said Dr. Wooton.

“So, Dr. Wooton, what are your thoughts on rating women’s attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10?”

“Well, I would have to say that rating a woman’s looks on a scale from 1 to 10 isn’t mathematically feasible.”

“Could you please elaborate on why it’s not mathematically feasible?”

“The first problem of having a scale ranging from 1 to 10 has to do with men’s preferences. I think that men can agree, that in theory, 1 is fugly, 5 is average and 10 is flawless. But men’s preferences tend to vary, and that’s where the problem comes in. One man can see a woman and think that she’s an 8, while another man sees the same woman and thinks that she’s a 5.”

“So, correct me if I’m wrong Dr. Wooton, but what you’re saying is that a 1 to 10 scale is not mathematically feasible because of men’s subjective opinions?”

“Not precisely. Men’s subjective opinions is only part of what makes a 1 to 10 scale not feasible. The other major problem has to do with conversion tables.”

“I don’t follow what you mean doctor.”

“Ok, one second…let’s pretend a group of men in Jackson, Mississippi came up with an objective 1 to 10 scale for the women in Jackson, Mississippi…actually, let’s just say Mississippi. They came up with a 1 to 10 scale, that they all agreed upon, for Mississippi. They say things like, ‘Sally is a 5’ or ‘Susan is an 8’ and so on. However, if Susan the 8 goes to Los Angeles, Susan is now what is called an L.A. 6, because now Susan is measured up against all the women in Los Angeles. So, the conversion table for Mississippi to Los Angeles would be x-2=y (x being Mississippi women and y being L.A. women).

Mississippi (x) Los Angeles (y)

10 8

9 7

8 6

7 5

6 4

5 3

4 2

3 1

2 0

1 -1

“And the inverse conversion table for Los Angeles to Mississippi would be x+2=y (x being L.A. women and y being Mississippi women).

Los Angeles (x) Mississippi (y)

10 12

9 11

8 10

7 9

6 8

5 7

4 6

3 5

2 4

1 3

“Now, after looking at the conversion tables, do you see why a 1 to 10 attractiveness scale is not mathematically feasible?” asked Dr. Wooton.

“I think I do,” I said, “A Mississippi 1 would be an L.A. -1 and an L.A. 10 would be a Mississippi 12…”

“Both of which are not between 1 and 10. Therefore, a 1 to 10 attractiveness scale is not mathematically feasible.” Dr. Wooton exclaimed. “One reason is men having subjective opinions, and the second reason is that there is no way to have properly scaled conversion tables.”

“Dr. Wooton, I honestly thought your explanation was going to a bit more complex.”

“My friend, sometimes math is quite simple.”

“Well, would you mind answering another question on the matter?”

“Of course!”

“Dr. Wooton, do you think it would be better for women to be judged on their mind/personalities as opposed to their looks?”

“For the most part, no. Actually, I think it would be detrimental for most women.”

“That’s a rather bold statement. Are you saying that women are stupid?”

“Not at all, not at all.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“Mathematically speaking, I’ve met women that are objectively eights and nines, but once they start talking, their personalities drop them to fours and fives. It’s beneficial for women to be judged on their looks. It helps to balance them out if they’re a nightmare to be around.”

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Story by Tom Klingenfuss