One More Night #4 Mandatory Losses

Bill was starting to get cold while he stood outside of his car. He decided that he would ignore the cold, as men often do. Instead, he began to ruminate about the events that led to him standing outside of his car.

It all started with him walking into his kitchen to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Bill didn’t see peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as mere nourishment as much as he saw them as a vice. There was something about the simplicity of a PB&J mixed with the euphoric taste of the sandwich that drove him to obsession. Anyway, perhaps if he had learned to subdue his passion he wouldn’t have walked into the kitchen and talked to Robby.

As a result, he and Robby had spent the whole night together looking for Joyce Reynolds, so that Robby could tell her how he felt. They inevitably went to Juan’s house and found out that Joyce was at the bowling alley on Bryant and Oak. When they reached the bowling alley, Bill coached Robby on what to do in case of rejection, which as all men should already know, is to simply show no reaction.

Anyway, Robby had gone into the bowling alley for a total of five minutes before coming out with a blank expression that made him look like he had just had a lobotomy. I suppose that’s one way show no reaction. To be fair though, this was Robby’s first attempt at looking stoic, and he was only eighteen years old. Robby got into the car and said one word.

“Drive.”

Bill had only driven around the corner when Robby’s front began to dissipate. Bill quickly found and entrance to a residential neighborhood and drove in. After they were four blocks into the neighborhood Bill parked the car and turned off the engine. He unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to Robby saying,

“I’m gonna stand outside. You take as long as you need.” And without waiting for Robby to respond, Bill exited the car and shut the door behind him.

“All this because of a sandwich,” Bill muttered to himself as he stood in the cold. He looked at his phone to see what time it was. He had been standing outside of his car for thirty-seven minutes. He knocked on his car window and opened the door just enough to speak to Robby. “Hey, I know I told you to take as much time as you need, but its really cold out here, and it’s already been over a half an hour, if you could try and wrap it up for tonight, I’d be very grateful.”

“Give me a moment,” Robby said in a hoarse voice. Four minutes passed and Robby said, “Ok Bill, I’m good.” Bill quickly entered the car, sat down in the driver’s seat and closed the door. He looked at Robby’s face and saw evidence of various emotions that had taken place while Robby was alone in the car.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well,” Bill said rhetorically.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Robby.

“You’ll get over it Robby,” Bill said unempathetically, “just remember, its not the end of the world. Actually, it’s my understanding that the end of the world is going to be quite exciting. So, in a way you have the end of the world to look forward to. Perhaps…”

“Shut up!” Robby barked. “Just shut up. You’re such a jerk. Somehow you knew this was going to happen, and what’s worse is that you drove me all over town tonight just to make sure that it happened. And now that its happened, you’re running your mouth off like nothing has happened. It’s like you’re enjoying this. You stupid jerk! You sick and twisted jerk!”

Bill looked at-

Very quickly, it should be noted that Robby has a rather limited vocabulary, and doesn’t like to use swear words. I don’t want anyone who reads this to judge my writing based on Robby’s lack of linguistic imagination. Anyway, back to the story.

Bill looked at Robby full in face. His eyes softened. He turned his head to look speculatively at a fixed spot outside the car window. Bill began to speak with a voice that had a rather subtle tone, a tone that would command the attention of anyone who had ears to listen, or in this case, just Robby.

“I was a senior in high school, spring semester as I can recall. Anyway, there was this girl and much like you, I had a crush on her. As a matter of fact, I think I had a crush on her since freshman year. Looking back at it, she probably knew that I had a crush. Somehow girls are always able to tell without asking. So, high school was coming to an end and that’s when the thought occurred, the thought that once school was over, I may never see her again. That particular possibility was very unsettling to me at the time. At that moment I realized that I had two options. The first option was simple enough, all I needed to do was approach her and tell her how I felt. The second option was to say nothing and move on with my life. The second option was definitely the easiest, but I've never been one to take the easy route in life. So, one morning before first period I sought her out at school and found her at her locker. She was there with one of her friends, which made what I was about to do a bit more, daunting."

"It was daunting, for you?" Robby asked Bill with a surprised look.

“You should note that I was only a high schooler, and I hadn’t acquired the mandatory losses a man attains in the pursuit of women. Those inevitable losses give a man perspective. They also give a man an indifference to rejection. That’s why I used the word daunting. I wasn’t calloused enough for it not to be daunting.

“Anyway, I said how I felt, and she didn’t feel the way same about me. So, I turned around and walked away.”

“What exactly was it that she said?” asked Robby.

“She didn’t say anything. And by doing so, she said everything. Well, at least everything I needed to know at the time,” said Bill, “The point is, that I have no regrets about what I didn’t do, and neither will you.”

“I guess so,” said Robby. He still seemed rather sad.

“Besides,” said Bill, “it would have been a waste of time. I think she was actually a lesbian.”

“You’re just saying that because she rejected you!” Robby accused.

“No Robby,” Bill said with a smile, “Two years after high school, she married a woman. I don’t about you, but I where I come, that girl is definitely a lesbian” Robby began to laugh.

“I suppose you’re right Bill,” Robby conceded.

“I usually am,” said Bill while starting up his car, “I don’t know about you, but I feel like eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

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Story by Tom Klingenfuss